The Princess Turns Three!

Last week we had Agnes' third birthday party, which she requested be a "Princess and Fairy party" according to her favourite theme of late. We duly acquiesced, though we had to hold it a day early as Daddy flew out to New York early on Thursday morning, her actual birthday.

The real theme of the evening, I believe, was improv: we found whatever costumes we had to hand and enjoyed a bit of live theatre with each other as audience before party festivities began. The pirate and the skeleton wrestled, the princess did some dancing and admired the Queen's gloves, the tiger communicated his distaste at being drawn into this nonsense, the skeleton and the princess danced, the pirate ate the princess' arm, the tiger stripped back down to his underpants, and so on. And most of us, on review of the photographic evidence, forgot to wash our faces after dinner!

Agnes enjoyed her presents, most of which had something to do with doggies. She loved (and used today for hours) her Minnie Mouse easel, the same one she sadly discovered in my bedroom earlier that morning and cried for desperately all the way to school! But the real delight of the evening was her new "Cupcake" bicycle--she immediately had to tear off her princess dress and hop on. What better way to express delight and truly experience your new present than to do it naked of course?!

She had asked for a princess cake, and I found that Sainsbury's had just the thing sitting on their shelf, so saving me from hours of baking, cursing and failing. Bliss!

Happy birthday Agnes, with many more to come!

Birthday reflections

This last weekend we decided to treat Uncle David to some touristing, and chose two sites that we are particularly fond of to go and see together. On Saturday we decided to visit Dunnottar castle, which is located just outside of Stonehaven about 13 miles south of Aberdeen. Unfortunately for our view we had the worst "haar" (or fog) in Aberdeen that I have seen in a long time that whole day, so much so that you couldn't even see the castle at all! The walk we did to it was cold and damp and everybody was a little weary by the end of the tour, including and especially Dad who pushed a crying baby in the buggy all the way back to the car so that he could pick us up (and not have to bump the buggy and baby down and up all the steps to the castle. It was built, after all, before disability regulations had come into effect. As in the 1300's!)

here is a pic of the "to" part of the journey--brrr!

Luckily Saturday night provided warm and welcome relief in the form of music at a local pub called the Blue Lamp, played by one of Brian's colleagues, one of his students, and two other divinity students. The group is called "Trimmed and Burning" and they are, to put it mildly, fantastic. We took Uncle David with us and he really enjoyed the night.

Sunday dawned clear and bright and proved to be the best of the weekend by far. We headed inland to Huntly to see the castle and play on the playground, followed by a picnic lunch in a town called Dufftown at another playground. Then a walk to the Glenfiddich Distillery for a tour of the warehouse and whiskey tasting. Then a pub dinner and back home in the gathering twilight to put the kids down and play another game of "Shoot the Moon". The day stayed warm and sunny all day--here are a couple of pics to show the fun times in action:

Mom and kids in full swing

Adam doing some climbing on the way to the Distillery

The evidence in plain view!

All this was a great preamble to turning 38 on Monday. I showered myself with sunshine and a cupcake for lunch, Caleb showered me with "presents" he made, Brian showered me with music and the Lord showered me with several days of sun and warmth (including the one day of haar to keep my expectations real!)

Overall I can say that it feels good to have another year under my belt. And a year in which I welcomed our daughter from my belly into my arms--wooed by her sweet smile and gorgeous personality every day, she has added light to my heart. I was also introduced to cancer in our family through dear sweet Adam, who has taught me anew what it means to soldier on and smile with your hands and soul even when your very marrow is rebelling. Brian and I have acknowledged both trials and the consolation of dear friends that keeps us going...Caleb has embraced both the loss of teeth and a place on the school council! I am running again and looking forward to doing my first race in three years on the 28th of April. If I may say so, I am faster than when I was only 37, and that right there is worth adding another year on!

Catch-up (part three)

Another instalment, and this time we have arrived at Agnes' first birthday.

I can't believe my baby girl turned one last Tuesday the 6th--a whole year has blown by so fast!

She is amazing--fun, happy, adventurous, crazy coordinated, social, smiley, funny and SO beautiful. This year has been anything but easy, but watching her grow and develop has, I think, made some of the more bitter pills easier to swallow for us all. Adam has enjoyed having her around and is learning to play with her, giving her kisses all the time...Caleb loves his sister and can make her laugh so hard and so easily, and loves playing chase around the house...I have been grateful for the grounding in reality that her schedule and needs demand, keeping me focused when I might otherwise have crumbled, enjoying doing things one-handed while holding her and snuggling up at night with her bottle...and Daddy, well...Daddy loves his little girl and that's all there is to say! :)

Here she is contemplating both her cake and those goofy people singing to her--

And here she is sampling the wares..."yum, carrots!"

Part of the evening was sad because Caleb had to be disciplined and thus missed the whole cake and singing part. But, as with all clouds, the silver lining was that Caleb's absence enabled Adam to step forward and play a more central role in helping sister blow out her candle, as you can see from the video:

The funny part was that we were all totally surprised to see Adam actually blow the candle out, he had never done that before! And Agnes cried because we took the cake away--it was such a funny mix of happy and sad, but then all major moments in life really are, aren't they?

That's all for now...more instalments soon I promise!

Playing catch-up (part one)

There has been so much going on in the last 6 weeks or so that I have been very sadly neglectful of the blog, and also of posting pictures that I have taken along the way.

Today, however, is a day for pausing, reflecting, and uploading.

First, so long ago...Feb 3 and Caleb's sixth birthday. A party at KC Kangaroo's with his friends from school...an emergency hospital admission for Adam that prevented him from joining in the festivities. Here are some pics from that afternoon:

Caleb's friends, from left: John, Bruce, Aiden, Corinne, Alastair, (Caleb!), Aiden, Imdad, Reuben, Nicola (the gf!), Alba and Alba's brother Camilo in front. It was a great, happy group.

The birthday boy in action, playing in the ball pit. He was sweaty and wild and happy all night!

The cake: a weak attempt to recreate the Omnitrix from Ben-10, the popular series where the young boy can turn into all sorts of alien heroes. It may not have looked great, but it did taste out of this world! (ha ha)

I am proud of who Caleb is becoming, and I enjoy watching him learn to read, to write, to express himself through pictures and stories. He is a helper with his brother and with his sister too, as you can see here:

It will be fun to see where we go this year, and to see what talents and gifts emerge as Caleb journeys toward seven. I am glad for him.

Best laid plans...

Today has been another example of what I affectionately refer to as "The Brock Circus", otherwise known as our life.

Today we combined all of the following in a 12 hour period: a funeral, chemotherapy, school, a hospital stay, a birthday party and two trips to Sainsburys. As you do.

This morning I went to the funeral of a friend and our former neighbour Geoff Banks, who passed away last month from cancer. I really wanted to go even though I knew it would be hard, but I wasn't prepared for how emotional I became. I started crying when I walked in the door and saw his picture and his children greeting the attendees. I started sobbing (the embarrassing kind with snotty sniffs and all) when his sons went forward to carry the casket. I miss Geoff, and am saddened at his life shortened...but I am also all too aware that it was shortened by the same disease that we are currently fighting in Adam. It was a beautiful service and his family held up well--all the same the experience left me drained as I confronted for 45 minutes all that I don't want to think about and hope and pray I never have to.

Next stop, Adam's school to collect him and head to the hospital for his chemo appointment. It was all going swimmingly and on time too--we were on target to get to his brother's birthday party that started at 4pm, because by the way it was Caleb's birthday today! (I will post pics in another post soon) I wanted Adam's chemo done early so that he could play with Caleb and the others at the party. One of the medicines he was due today requires an hour afterward to make sure he doesn't react, and I had allowed extra time for that. So far so good.

Then I noticed that he felt warm, and saw some little red dots appearing over his stomach and back. I asked the nurse to check his temp and it was well above normal, 39.2. Going to the party now? Fail. The nurse suggested we go to his room to rest a bit and see how he got on...well, within 10 minutes he was vomiting repeatedly and his fever had gone up to 39.7. I'm not even going to try at this time of night to do the calculations...needless to say it was much too high to even think about going home. Blood cultures, check. Full blood count, check. Vomiting bowl, check. Waiting, check. Change my clothes as soon as possible? Check!!

Brian walked up after depositing Caleb and Agnes at the party and designating someone to watch them...luckily I had booked an indoor play place at the last minute, having changed my mind about doing it myself at home. Phew! So he walked in and I handed him a stinky, sleepy and retching Adam and headed to the car--I had the cake in the car so had to get it to the party at some point! The kids were having a great time and everything went smoothly from there. I have great friends--did I say that clearly enough? GREAT friends, who drop everything and put my children to bed so that I can go to the store and back up to the hospital with Brian's stuff.

At this point we have no results from the tests so are assuming it's a vomiting bug that will run it's course, sooner rather than later we hope. The IV fluids are up, he has been sleeping since 5pm, IV antibiotics just to be safe and still waiting to see how he is tomorrow. Our great friends are also going to watch the kids so we can still try to get to this concert we have booked and have been looking forward to for months. Under normal circumstances I would never leave Adam in this state, nor would I ask anyone else to look after him. BUT, nothing is normal anymore and I know we have to try and trust. Our friends will take good care of him, and this is nothing that won't correct itself in a few days at most.

I will post more, including pics, when I get the next chance. It's bath and bed for this tired mum now.

Flying Solo

Brian is away for 10 days, so I'm going to pull the obligatory late night and write a little bit about the week. I just talked to him and he's doing fine, by the way--about to have the official book launch for his finally-published PhD thesis tomorrow evening. Funny how 15 years can seem like not such a big deal when you finally get to standing around with a glass of wine handing out signed copies, but then again I was only an observer!

So Adam's birthday was a good day--Sunday it was, and I still haven't downloaded the pictures (but I will)! We took a cake to church which was completely demolished. Either the Provost spoke extra long or it might have been a good cake after all. I say that because it was still a bit warm when I took the outer ring away and the whole thing sunk and splooged out in a very non-cake like form, but people still liked it which was good for me, bad for leftovers! Then we had lunch and took the boys swimming. A trip to the pool would not be complete for us without two things: Adam poops and we have to go change him in the middle of the swim, and Adam pushes a few kids off the jumping area who aren't expecting it and end up crying on their parents' shoulders. Both of these things happened. At least he usually picks the kids with very understanding parents--though someday I imagine I will end up with a black eye because of his "quirks." The boys were good enough to let me go sing with the choir in the evening, and had a nice "boy evening" themselves, so it was a great day all around.

The other major event of the week was Adam's trip to the dentist on Monday. I knew it would be bad, and having it immediately after school was not the best timing either. But that boy knew as soon as we walked in that he was going to have to do something he didn't want to do, and it was very nearly an ugly scene. I tried talking, cajoling, pleading, laughing, demonstrating and reprimanding: in the end I had to lay back in the chair with arms and legs enveloping my very strong now-7 year old and hold him down. The dentist helped, and after he realised that having a mirror in Adam's mouth was not a good idea, he carefully used his fingers and eyes to inspect Adam's teeth. He had 4.5 seconds to do this, while Adam was howling and before he broke out of my grasp. But not before he gave me another hernia and left the dentist and me sweating! I am pleased that our dentist is both young enough to manage the energy that Adam has/takes and nice enough not to curse us until we've left the building.

Luckily all looks well for now, but I know the dentist was thinking the same thing as me: what happens when he has to do some work?? Funny thing is, apparently Down's kids don't get decay as much but do get gum disease. Our only defence of course is brushing his teeth. A lot. At least Adam is a pro at brushing his teeth, something we (amazingly) have never had to fight over. Hopefully that will stave off problems for a long time. I guess we can add future dental work to the growing list of things that might require anaesthetic to carry out, but I plan to cross that bridge...later.

That's all for now--more (and more pictures) soon.

Marking the days

I haven't been so good at keeping up with the blog this week, and sadly cannot point to any amazing scientific discoveries, adventures in far-away lands, or even stellar cleaning binges to account for my silence. I think really, life as it's lived daily is just too occupying, and to sit down and write about it somehow makes me feel distant from living it. I prefer to watch the boys, go to the park, cook some food (occasionally), remark on the weather or do nothing at all rather than sit and ponder things on the computer. That, or I'm just too lazy to stay up past their bedtime and too brain-dead to remember what happened an hour ago!

At any rate, today I have been pondering Adam's birthday, which is coming up on Sunday. I have been asked a couple of times if he knows it's his birthday. I am pretty sure the answer to that question is no, though I don't doubt that when I set a cake in front of him and we all sing Happy Birthday to him, he might connect that activity to himself in some way. But as for understanding "Hey, I've passed another year on this Earth. I'm seven now. Cool," I don't think those thoughts will occur to him. I hate to sound like I'm writing him off, but for Adam, personal reflection does not seem to be part of his repertoire. I like that about him, that he doesn't spend time--or doesn't seem to--seeing who is watching him, wondering what they are thinking about him, or worrying about how much or how well we will celebrate him on his birthday. For him it's another day to play and be with us, and lo and behold--Cake!

The slight downside to all this, however, if I'm being honest, is that I have to reorganise in my own head what celebrating a birthday means. If Adam couldn't care less about presents, will eat cake if I feed it to him (with custard, please) and does not ask for any special favours to mark "his special day", then what exactly does it mean to have a birthday at all? In the usual sense, we ask kids what they want, figure out what will make them happy, and get that for them to open and enjoy for hopefully longer than a day. But what does Adam want? I asked Caleb this question, and he had some good ideas, but we both agreed that what Adam ever really wants is to go to the park, or swimming, or run naked along the beach into the water and back. Ok, seems easy enough to handle that.

But I still found myself feeling that Adam would be missing out--or I would be shortchanging him--if he had no presents at all. So Caleb and I traipsed to the store to find something for Adam, and we actually did pretty well. But my thinking behind it, and what I asked Caleb to do, was think of things Adam can understand and manage, and double check that with the second question: "would you play with this with him?" It seemed to work well, and I found myself more pleased than usual with the prospect of not only giving something to Adam in the traditional sense, but hopefully engendering an opportunity for them to interact together. I won't tell you what we got him though until after Sunday--it's his birthday, of course!

So, I reorganise my head thus: Adam's birthday is an opportunity for us to look back and remember the amazing night/morning he came into the world, to be ever grateful for all that he's come through in his tough little life, to review photos and movies from last August and see how far he's come in a year (about 3 inches far, to be exact!), and to be glad for today to be with him and enjoy all seven of his years at once. Gifts, fine. Cake, great. But what's special is that we have the chance to love and celebrate people at all in our own fumbling ways.

by the way, some photos attached from last year so you too can enjoy the progress.