tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71854011769643185822024-03-05T14:50:22.524-08:00Everything In Its Right PlaceA blog about disability, life, parenting, and learning what it means to live well in this world.Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.comBlogger145125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-929179476927541982015-12-03T06:46:00.001-08:002015-12-03T07:00:49.435-08:00Memory LaneI'm going to take a little walk down memory lane now, if anyone cares to join me.<br />
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I don't often do this: the right moment just never seems to come. But seeing as it's coming up to another Boxing Day, and another Nippy Dip in the North Sea to raise money for <a href="http://www.archway.org.uk/" target="_blank">Archway</a>--the charity that provides short term respite breaks for Adam (along with many other services to many other families in the North East!), now seems to be as good a moment as any.<br />
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Before I say anything else, let me clarify two very important points:<br />
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1) I don't consider my life "bad" in any sense. I know things could always be harder, and I neither wish things were harder nor do I think that I have it worse than anybody else.<br />
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2) I don't actually wish my life were anything other than it has been. Truly. Even with all that may yet come back to haunt me in this post.<br />
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So last night for whatever reason, Brian and I started thinking back over some of the old times. We were remembering car journeys late at night to Morrison's to buy medicine for a howling Adam, yet another mystery illness we had no idea how to help him with. We remembered our first Christmas in Aberdeen, and spending five days in the hospital because Adam had pneumonia. He always has gone down in a heap when he's really ill, and this was no exception. We remembered a lovely couple from the university who came to visit us, and arranged for their daughter's school class-who was at the children's hospital to play music for the "inmates"-to come and sit right outside Adam's isolation room so that we could see and hear them well. I cried my way through that performance.<br />
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I remember finding lumps on his back and panicking because I looked up "soft tissue lumps" on the internet and of course freaked myself out. Another hospital stay, another set of tests and a biopsy. It was negative. Never found out exactly what they were, but they disappeared after a while.<br />
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I remember chasing him around for days and weeks on end, picking up hundreds of projectiles he'd launched off table/couch/shelf...watching him spin a bowl in the corner of the room, or spinning his bicycle wheel (we used to keep a bicycle upside down in the spare room so Adam could go in and "play", for hours at a time). We tried to keep him constructively occupied but he always returned to his phase of choice--watching the washing machine spin, chewing on the wheels of his buggy (that was a gross one!), watching the movie Cars, spinning a silver bucket in the corner of the front room, etc.<br />
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I remember being up all night, at least once a week or every other week for many years, while he suffered the effects of chewing on the buggy wheels or from any other mystery illness he'd picked up. A common cold for Adam would last months. One winter he was literally only well for <i>one week</i> between October and April. I kept track. I remember being tired, so tired. Praying that the medicine would kick in, that morning would come quickly, that I would have the wisdom to know what to do. Never did get hold of much of that wisdom, but morning usually came and the medicine almost always kicked in eventually.<br />
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I remember the long, long weeks off nursery and school. Trying desperately to think of things to do that would keep us both engaged and hopefully dry/warm too. Indoor soft play places were our dearest friends in those years, and we visited them all in turn. Rest had to be carefully orchestrated so that he didn't get too tired OR sleep too much and then be up all night. Usually he was up all night anyway, so our daytime nap was the only thing that kept me alive, even when I had to time it for 30 minutes. And force myself up when the alarm went off!! And start all over again...<br />
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Why walk down memory lane? Why relive those awful nights, and days, and illnesses, and worries? Because they are, for the most part, in the past now. And we are still standing.<br />
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If you don't have an Adam to look after, you just don't know the depths of worry, or fear, or being empty, or being tested to the limit that comes with that privilege. I've had many people comment over the years that I'm such a strong person (the subtext being "to deal with someone like Adam", well meant of course). But the real point is that I'm only as strong as I am because I've had years to learn what it means to be Adam's mum. I've been to the depths, and I've also experienced the highs. There are as many of those for as many low memories I have, I can assure you. Their place may be in another blog someday.<br />
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But all the years that I and we struggled with Adam, I longed for a break, for help, for support. I cried for it, I pleaded for it, I searched for it, in vain. And now, for the last three years since he was brought into the Archway family, I have what I had desperately prayed for all those years. When Adam goes to spend a few days and nights with "his friends", I know he's cared for, and safe. And I then have the time to rest, to do things with the other two that usually get pushed to the back burner because "your brother wouldn't be able to do that". I have a break from the guilt of doing something that needs to be done, like clean the house or cook dinner, but requires that I leave Adam alone for a few minutes that might then result in catastrophe, or at the very least a mess. And certainly some shouting too!<br />
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So when it comes to this time of year and a chance to raise the profile of and money for Archway by doing something crazy like freezing my arse off in the North Sea for 2 minutes, I am glad. I would do anything for this fantastic organisation that has given us a boost of life and energy in these last few years. Especially when they haven't exactly been easy either (that pesky cancer thing??)<br />
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It's hard though to communicate exactly what Archway means to me, and impossible to communicate to others what it should mean to them. Archway does the work that none of us really want to do, if we are honest. It does more than just provide rest to mothers, or care for disabled children like Adam. It keeps the whole community running. With rest and care whole families are kept functioning--to work, or serve in the schools, or just be a healthy part of society. This is a good thing.<br />
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It's worth a little humble stroll don't you think?<br />
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Please consider giving to Archway, however small you think your offering is worth. It all goes to a very good place. And I promise, this year I'll get my head in too!<br />
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When life is all smiles, it's good to remember where you've come from</div>
<br />Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-66248613380268483132014-03-10T14:26:00.001-07:002014-03-10T14:26:42.160-07:00The Princess Turns Three!Last week we had Agnes' third birthday party, which she requested be a "Princess and Fairy party" according to her favourite theme of late. We duly acquiesced, though we had to hold it a day early as Daddy flew out to New York early on Thursday morning, her actual birthday.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-NX72mxsSn8me5SixWFaQkIwDLx_hk5T6Oph8dS0resrp_8zs1M3hSKb7V0L6lg92hzJy9p9LcBandJwgDPDYJq0PozhB8MU7-gdIMhxNYqldp1Bi1mFP02sTnMHJoormdONArbjg9cnR/s1600/DSC_0741.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-NX72mxsSn8me5SixWFaQkIwDLx_hk5T6Oph8dS0resrp_8zs1M3hSKb7V0L6lg92hzJy9p9LcBandJwgDPDYJq0PozhB8MU7-gdIMhxNYqldp1Bi1mFP02sTnMHJoormdONArbjg9cnR/s1600/DSC_0741.JPG" height="265" width="400" /></a></div>
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The <i>real</i> theme of the evening, I believe, was <i>improv</i>: we found whatever costumes we had to hand and enjoyed a bit of live theatre with each other as audience before party festivities began. The pirate and the skeleton wrestled, the princess did some dancing and admired the Queen's gloves, the tiger communicated his distaste at being drawn into this nonsense, the skeleton and the princess danced, the pirate ate the princess' arm, the tiger stripped back down to his underpants, and so on. And most of us, on review of the photographic evidence, forgot to wash our faces after dinner!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9WPTKuXBjtMezmU1UOhJYgEt2SUzPnVXX6X34ICMmDdxgzrsk7Og7BPNNtWZz-jOm0gaMa1_8aOmoJu0OApPZ_67ocGQ0vlAE3FNb6QIbIOuSuRv_i4WSjQm23cIbi_rPCwCtSI02wrat/s1600/DSC_0759.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9WPTKuXBjtMezmU1UOhJYgEt2SUzPnVXX6X34ICMmDdxgzrsk7Og7BPNNtWZz-jOm0gaMa1_8aOmoJu0OApPZ_67ocGQ0vlAE3FNb6QIbIOuSuRv_i4WSjQm23cIbi_rPCwCtSI02wrat/s1600/DSC_0759.JPG" height="212" width="320" /></a>Agnes enjoyed her presents, most of which had something to do with doggies. She loved (and used today for hours) her Minnie Mouse easel, the same one she sadly discovered in my bedroom earlier that morning and cried for desperately all the way to school! But the real delight of the evening was her new "Cupcake" bicycle--she immediately had to tear off her princess dress and hop on. What better way to express delight and truly experience your new present than to do it naked of course?!<br />
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Happy birthday Agnes, with many more to come!Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-46165794920224348132014-02-21T13:32:00.000-08:002014-02-21T13:32:53.432-08:00Lessons from the PlaygroundEvery afternoon I go to pick our middle son Caleb up from his primary school in Aberdeen. It's just around the corner from our house, which makes it much easier all the many days I need to take his brother and sister along with me for the journey. Most days that it's not raining or blowing a gale, Caleb asks to stay and play with his friends. I usually try to say yes, and then it becomes a game of What will end the play session first...friends go home or mom freezes?? Usually the latter!<br />
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The other day Agnes was at nursery and Adam was content, so I just sat on the benches, trying not to freeze, and watched the boys play. They run around in circles, playing this game or that one--mainly tig-and-tag. I haven't quite figured out if they just need to burn off their energy, need to assert some position in the "wolf-pack" (as they are known), or need to establish some level of friendship that the classroom has sublimated for the previous six hours. Probably they don't know either. Probably all three at once.<br />
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What I do know, having watched them for a while now, is that there is a lot of <b>work</b> to be done in childhood, and during this time that the boys are playing they are also most certainly <i>working</i>. Let me illustrate a bit more clearly.<br />
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Some days it's entirely laughter that I hear, happy noises from children content to run about and be free. The games go off without incident, nobody trips and runs to mother or father with a sniffly nose. It's simple, but still not easy. The kids are running non-stop. I see jackets flung off, faces become red and sweaty, and now and again one will stop and pause, hands on knees, to catch their breath. Physical work, good and pure. But another level, they are developing skills of what I call, for lack of a better word, <i>layering</i>. They are physically moving with a game, whilst keeping an eye out for the others and planning strategies, sometimes in a group, sometimes on their own. They are watching to see who is doing what, and beginning to really suss out what sort of behaviours will move them up a level on the playing field. Like birds in flight, they seem to sense when to move together and when to separate, and this takes a lot of energy and an awareness of self and others that is emerging.<br />
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But then, when conflict strikes, they are learning how to negotiate, how to lead and follow, how to speak to others, how to resolve the conflict (for most of the time parents are involved in their own conversations) and most importantly...how to listen. I've seen some major arguments erupt, and one or two of the kids step in to "manage" it. I've seen kids run off so angry they can't speak anymore, and the others coming together to figure out what to do. When an interaction or game goes so bad that two or more have fallen out, the others are left to decide how to react, and you can see on their faces the intense work of processing that is taking place. Will I take sides? Will I find a new game? Will I ask to go home? (maybe not...) Well then, will I help sort it out?<br />
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Every day Caleb comes home and tells of arguments, fall-outs, and kids that are calling names. Sometimes he is on the receiving end, and sometimes he is part of the team doing the dirty work. He is learning how it all feels, what sort of consequences come and how to deal with them. He is learning to stand on his own feet and make decisions--some good, some not so good--and most of all to learn that knowing <i>why</i> he made them is just as important if not more.<br />
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But I think what is most difficult, and potentially what throws some children off the rails for good, is that their safe spaces are changing and they have to learn how to realign themselves in this adult world to which they are stepping ever closer. I can no longer keep Caleb safe at all times, or control most aspects of his world, or solve his problems. He came running to me today with tears at an injustice done to him by his best friend, which was of course provoked by the injustice he first did to said friend. What could I do? A bit of comfort and comfort for the other boy who then came over. Some words that I hoped were calm and encouraging, and a joke about everyone "smelling the barn" and being tired and cranky at the end of the week. Nothing more, and they were friends again. But that was not my doing, it was their decision, weighed up in milliseconds about how they wanted to end their week and treat their friendship, about what matters and the importance of forgiveness that they have heard over and over again.<br />
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Processing, processing. If we think that it's only we adults who do the enormous work of processing difficult issues and straining our minds on so many different levels at once we are kidding ourselves. If, in turn, kids act "like kids" sometimes, I can see why: everyone needs a break now and again in their work day.Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-70103857811467475622014-01-01T14:32:00.001-08:002014-01-01T14:35:04.047-08:00Happy New Year!!A very warm welcome to 2014 from the Brock family to you!<br />
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This has been a good year: not the best of years, but to be honest I don't know if I even have one of those or not! It certainly was a decent notch above 2011 and 2012, and that's all we can ask for around here.<br />
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I had a look back at some photos tonight to remind myself of the highlights upon which to reflect. These included several trips and events for my (Steph's) work, like visits to both Shetland and Orkney and various fun days across the Diocese. There were a couple of school events for both Caleb and Adam including Sports Day at the Sports Village (Caleb) and a 10th birthday party at Woodlands for Adam. Also noteworthy of course were Caleb and Agnes' birthday parties, and a visit (two in fact!) from Oma and Opa from California. Oh, and in June we got chickens!! Yes, three hens we call "the ladies", Tilda, Foxy and Ben (the hen). They are fun, they are productive, and so far have survived the weather and the neighbourhood fox so here's hoping for another year to come!<br />
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We had parties, we had walks and play sessions out back, we had some crazy weather that Adam and I tried our best to record. But the three most memorable events of 2013 had to be, in order of amaze-balls-ness:<br />
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Number 1...Adam finishing chemotherapy for his Leukaemia on 09 October 2013, after two years and four months of treatment. Needless to say we celebrated and ate our fair share of cake!</h4>
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Adam taking centre stage at his celebration at St John's (our church in Aberdeen)</div>
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Number 2...our trip to Germany in August, the first family holiday in all of Agnes's life and our best one <i>ever</i>! </h4>
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Three smiling little faces, at the New Botanical Garden in Tubingen</div>
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And number 3...finishing the work on our house which has left us with space to entertain, to eat together, to run about, to lounge ''upstairs" and to look to a future which includes friends and family around often.</h4>
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Opening Christmas presents, with a view to the kitchen.</div>
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And a few more recent photos to send out 2013 in style...</h3>
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The family on Christmas Day in front of the tree at St John's</div>
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Post-Nippy Dipper in Aberdeen on Boxing Day, with stalwart friends and brave dipping colleagues Sarah, Joy and Helen</div>
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Family Boxing Day walk to our favourite hill overlooking Aberdeen...blue skies and sunshine!!</div>
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All in all it's been good, and we look forward to a new year of increased health and a return to normal immune functioning for Adam, we look forward to a short trip during Brian's sabbatical this spring, we look forward to 3, and 8 and 11...all good years for children I'm told! And finally, we look forward to more time with friends, more energy to pursue the things for which we were created, and more laughter and love to share around as we are able.<br />
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I hope and pray the same for you and yours, and hope sincerely that 2014 brings us into contact with friends near and far. We now have space for you if you come to the great North East of Scotland!<br />
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Happy New Year to you all, and God's blessings on you and yours.Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-86988660676247661582013-10-09T13:54:00.000-07:002013-10-09T13:54:06.881-07:00844 Days<br />
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Today is a momentous day. It is officially the last day of Adam's treatment for Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, and crowns the other 843 days since his diagnosis on 18 June 2011. He was just seven when he was diagnosed, and his sister was three months old. Now he is 10, and his sister spent the morning bringing me cups of "tea" from the playroom. Time changes and goes on, regardless of how much we are unable to comprehend or imagine it doing so. In particular, two years and four months goes on!!</div>
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When Adam was diagnosed I could not believe he had cancer in his bone marrow, the very centre of his physical being, and we couldn't see it. Now he's done and the question I often get asked is "is he cured?" That's easy to answer for a slab of pork, not so for a person. But for all intents and purposes he's in remission, and provided we stay away from a relapse for another 2 1/2 years he will be declared cured. This is Adam of course, and given his history there will no doubt be other issues we have to deal with, but hopefully ALL will not be among them.</div>
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I don't say this lightly though, as there are so many for whom it's not such an easy road, or a clear ending. I think so often of those we know who continue to battle cancer and/or have lost someone to it. It's become a personal thing to our family, and we will continue to pray for each and every one of them.</div>
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And though this might end up sounding like an Oscar's speech, I would be horribly short-sighted if I didn't say that we had a lot of help along the way, and would not have made it alone. Obviously the docs and nurses at the children's hospital are amazing, and my tears today with Adam's consultant are a testimony that they have done for us what we never could have done ourselves. They gave us back our boy. The pharmacist, the play staff, even Gary Seagraves the magician who I saw in the lobby all played a part in keeping us afloat! Our friends, the ones we met in hospital and all those who supported us from near and far--thank you for your care, for visits, gifts of food, and for faithfully asking "how is Adam?" Our families, who are waiting as I write for word of his results (which I don't have yet, but all signs point to Adam's blood being clear), they have flown thousands of miles to be with us and give us rest and physical help. Family is a good thing, and we are so grateful to all of ours for being our strength. Adam's school and teachers have been amazing, and always willing to put up with a barfy-post-lumbar-puncture boy, a hyped-up-steroidal-boy, and a grumpy-tired-chemo-ridden boy. The charities who have helped us, CHAS, Archway, ARCHIE, Clic Sargent, etc. It's good to know when a charity goes the extra mile and they all do. Finally, our churches, both St Andrew's and St John's, have given us tremendous and crucial spiritual support. Thank you for surrounding us when we needed it.</div>
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What I'm saying is that now that we are at an end of one stage, and have taken so much and needed so much, it's good to turn our minds outward again. It's good to join the normal world again, and I couldn't properly do that without recognising the full picture of what has been. So thanks for allowing me that closure!</div>
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Going forward, there will still be monthly clinic visits for a year, and six-weekly for another year, and then two-monthly, then three-monthly...so we are not exactly cut loose yet. But today, all that remains is a large ice-cream sundae for the kids, all three of whom have put up with SO much for the last 844 days. They are truly my little stars! And a bottle of bubbly tonight for us (and anyone who cares to join!!) Really I don't need any excuse to celebrate, but if I did this is a pretty damn good one indeed.</div>
Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-6015144757050578272013-09-02T14:05:00.001-07:002013-09-02T14:05:28.041-07:00A wee update (literally)This is such an epic time in our lives that I thought a blog update was in order.<br />
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We are now 10 days in to toilet training with Adam, who is doing wonderfully at his newly acquired skills. In fact, today he got FOUR stickers on his potty chart, that's FOUR times he used the toilet, and NO misses. He even went at school today for the first time, though he did hold it until 2:40pm!! The man has some control, and now we are finally getting somewhere with learning to let loose at the right time.<br />
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I know this is probably just a good day in yet a long and arduous road. But we really need this encouragement right now. And it's only 8 days until his last chemotherapy infusion at the hospital too, so we're almost ready to start breathing again. I think he'll know when chemo is over, the same way he knows when he's gone in the potty and feels good. It will be a wonderful gift to Adam and ourselves to be free and learn to be normal again.Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-26063413557521125092013-08-29T13:47:00.000-07:002013-08-29T13:47:01.668-07:00Holiday madness (or lack thereof)A belated note about our first Brock family holiday in many years, to the lovely country of Germany, the town of Tuebingen, staying at the home of our dear friends the Wendte family.<br />
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We arrived to 35 degree heat, which is more than we ever get in Aberdeen, though to be fair the summer in Aberdeen this year was stellar: warm, dry and beautiful. We stayed at a hotel right next to the city swimming pool and entertained ourselves aquatically for a couple of days, meeting up with our friends in the evening. Then they left for their holiday and ours, staying in their home, began.<br />
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We had two weeks to rest, ride bikes, eat ice cream, peruse bookshops, play on different playgrounds, swim, drink iced coffee, ride some more, eat some more, swim some more...you get the picture!<br />
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Here are some of the highlights:<br />
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Lunch at an open air cafe after our first proper thunder-and-lightning storm in years!</div>
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One of the bookshop-enthusiast high points</div>
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This is how we rolled: "The Mothership", Caleb on his own and Dad & Agnes</div>
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The best pic of the kids <i><b>ever</b></i>...at the new botanical garden</div>
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Again at the botanical gardens...a great morning out</div>
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Swinging German style: old tyres at the old botanical gardens </div>
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Wow, this stuff is cool! Agnes enjoying one of her many swims at the pool</div>
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A view from the top: At the "Wurmlinger Kappelle" having a picnic</div>
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Yikes!! Caleb after his first proper bike crash (everyone and everything largely intact)</div>
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"Fishing" in the local creek on a "cool" day</div>
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Family paddle boat outing!</div>
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Family picture at the Schloss (castle) overlooking the town</div>
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Agnes perfecting her jumping skills</div>
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One of the best playgrounds <b>ever</b>!!</div>
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That was a fun slide!!</div>
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So yes, a great summer, a great holiday and it's great to be back in the routine again now. Hope you enjoyed the pictures!</div>
Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-82077999592083311932013-08-29T13:21:00.001-07:002013-08-29T13:21:53.295-07:00Celebrating in styleEvery day is a chance to celebrate something, even the smallest marker or achievement. However, some days present the chance to celebrate a big milestone, and that day is today.<br />
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This is my TEN year old smile! </div>
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Our little Adam, now approaching "young man" status, has turned 10 today. His first decade is complete! What makes it even more of an achievement, on both his part and ours (as a family), is that on many occasions, not least the last two years and three months, he has flirted altogether too closely with his demise. He has survived a serious blood infection in his first 2 weeks of life, a massive open heart operation at the ripe age of seven months, several hospitalisations for pneumonia and the like, a serious burn injury, and cancer (so far!) He has come through them all with his characteristic steadfastness of character. I continue to be amazed at his strength, and ours (as a family), to go through what to us seem some big things to deal with, though they are peanuts compared to some.<br />
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Those candles are just too good to blow out!</div>
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We celebrated with some dear friends and the usual party fayre: lots of food, games, cake and great conversation. The egg-and-spoon race you see below was a hit (though the chickens who gave us the eggs were nowhere to be seen!) It was a lovely, if slightly cloudy afternoon and nice to be with friends. </div>
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I did think at one point that--as usual--Adam may have enjoyed the whole event just <i>slightly</i> less than we did, however I think the fact that I consider his survival to be a family affair justifies it. If Adam is here for us all to celebrate, it's because he is strong and has survival genes, but also because WE are strong and know how to hang in there when the going is tough. We as a family have survived what Adam has had to endure, and we are all grateful for the moments to rest and celebrate.<br />
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And now for the best news, and the present that will keep on giving for a while: <b>Adam is due to finish chemotherapy in just over a month's time!!</b> That's right, on October 6, 2013 he will be a free man again, apart from the monthly clinic visits and blood work to keep an eye on things. That part doesn't matter as much as not having monthly infusions of toxic substances, or monthly courses of steroids that wreak utter havoc with his body, or nightly spoonfuls of terrible medicine either. It will all be done and we can't wait!<br />
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Then, I tell you, we will have another milestone to celebrate, and in style of course. And we will be celebrating with all those, near and far, who have contributed to not only Adam's survival but ours as a family. Because even when you are strong, you still need support, guidance, care and love to carry you through tough times, and I know we wouldn't be at the finish line (nearly) without it. Consider yourself one of the ones who have carried us through if you are reading this, and know that you will be part of the celebrations in October!Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-2171359020685910762013-03-12T14:43:00.000-07:002013-03-12T14:43:15.793-07:00A belated birthday blog for AgnesWell, it hasn't been a week yet since she turned two, so this is pretty good for me!<br />
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Last Wednesday our dear Agnes turned two, and we had a joint party with my friend Meg whose son Reuben shares the same birthday with Agnes, though he is 9 years ahead of her. She had a grand time playing with the big boys and blowing balloons all around the house. I think she may have been sliding down the stairs with them too, though I wasn't looking at that point.<br />
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It was a lovely day of seeing how she has bloomed recently, going from baby girl to little girl all in one fell swoop. We were marvelling this evening how funny and quirky her personality is, all the little things she says that make us laugh. It is a wonder to see a little person develop, and when that little person is gorgeous too you just can't stop watching!<br />
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Here are some pics of the day and our little princess...<br />
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With her birthday buddy Reuben</div>
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Opening Auntie Meg's present...a huge stuffed sheep she loves! </div>
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hanging with the boys </div>
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And the obligatory birthday song sung in fine style!</div>
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Happy birthday Agnes...here's to many more years of watching you grow into a lovely little lady.</div>
Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-34069701309168638182013-03-05T15:52:00.000-08:002013-03-05T15:53:21.520-08:00March MadnessAn update is long overdue, and sadly this one will be brief.<br />
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We have been busy as usual of late, full into the swing of term time for Brian, work and events for Steph, school and all extracurricular activities for the kids. It is half way to Easter holidays here, time to start feeling the pinch of getting up early, packing the lunches, ironing the trousers. But not yet time to see the daffodils in full bloom--the shoots are starting to show, but it was still a chilly 4 degrees Centigrade here today and snow is forecast for this weekend.<br />
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In late January and early February we were all down again with a nasty bug, this time it was the flu. Never mind that we had the flu jab in Nov last year, apparently that doesn't mean you won't still have a chance of getting the flu! We were all "sick as thieves" for a week or so, but it passed. In the meantime we racked up memories of sitting on the couch all together, snuggling up, passing the tea and tissues and watching Laurel and Hardy episodes together. No better medicine, eh?<br />
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Instead of getting the usual symptoms though, Adam slept all weekend and then couldn't walk for two days. It was most likely an "irritable hip syndrome" from the flu virus, and it too passed quickly enough. But it makes you think when someone's mobility can go from 100% to zero in a moment. As usual, Adam weathered the storm better than his parents--good thing he had respite that week, so that we could recover for a day before carrying on with life!<br />
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Now Adam is threatening another hospital admission, this time with fevers and rock-bottom white cell count. We are hopeful but also realistically expecting to go into hospital sometime tomorrow if his temp doesn't settle, as his body can't fight anything at the moment so he'll have to have IV antibiotics. It is only a few months until the end of his treatment, so honestly at this point nothing can dampen our spirits!<br />
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Of course, true to form it's also Agnes' birthday tomorrow, so our little princess may have to spend her 2nd birthday a little more subdued than we had hoped if Adam is not at home. She won't mind though, as her sweet spirit seems to accept most things and move on--she is most often seen these days with a huge smile and a leftover tear from some very recent crying episode that is just as quickly forgotten! She is a dream, a joy, and a total crazy woman. Happy birthday early Agnes, thanks for bringing the zing to our family!<br />
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The party girl practicing her stuff for tomorrow!</div>
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And with that, night night!<br />
:)Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-88130964130456477982013-01-28T12:07:00.001-08:002013-01-28T12:07:18.712-08:00Cafe-O-Yay!Yesterday morning we visited St John's church on Crown Terrace, another Episcopal church in our Diocese and one we've been wanting to go to for a while. It was a great morning, with lovely warm people and lots of laughs, during church as well as afterward.<br />
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Part of our Sunday morning ritual now is that one of us walks with Adam some or all of the way to church, while the other takes the younger kids in the car. This was my Sunday, and as St John's starts at 11am and we had left in plenty of time, Adam and I took our chance to have a little Nero's coffee treat together before the service.<br />
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Adam picked the table and I went up to order. I asked for my usual and then if the barista could make me a "baby latte" for my son. So when I came back to the table with one normal cup and one little espresso cup filled with milky foam, I thought Adam might be pleased.<br />
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<i>Pleased is an understatement!</i><br />
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First, he started by moving the cup and saucer closer to his edge of the table. Then he picked up the spoon and so delicately began to stir the "coffee." Then he set the spoon down and picked up his cup, ever so carefully.<br />
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He tested it for warmth, then swirled it a bit just like the pros. </div>
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Note the precision pinkie placement and supporting side fingers! </div>
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Swirling merrily again... </div>
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Getting the last drops down. I love the chocolate mark on his nose too!</div>
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Absolutely fabulous. Not only did he drain the cup, he did it in absolute adult style--stirring, testing, swirling, sipping and smiling. I don't think anyone in that cafe enjoyed their "coffee" as much as Adam did. And I couldn't resist a few laughs taking the photos. </div>
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All in all, a very merry Sunday. </div>
Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-24965686926228924952013-01-02T03:07:00.002-08:002013-01-02T03:07:53.743-08:00Happy New Year!!Just a brief recap of 2012...<br />
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This was taken exactly one year ago, just after Adam had gotten out of the hospital after being in for 3 weeks and over the New Year with a mystery virus. He had been on oxygen for most of that time, so that's why his cheeks are red (the tape from the oxygen cannula). Agnes was 9 months old and still fit into her snowsuit, Caleb was nigh unto 6 years old. We were walking along the Dee river after having lunch at the Camphill cafe:<br />
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THIS one was taken yesterday, on a lovely family walk in Kirkhill forest to celebrate the new year and NOT being in hospital. Adam is 9 1/4 and doing well, Caleb nigh unto 7, Agnes will soon be 22 months. All of us ran on the loop-de-loops of the "fun park" at Kirkhill forest, a place usually meant for bicycles but now a Brock family favourite for free-running! The smiles say it all:</div>
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We are grateful that 2012 was ushered in on the wings of illness and hospitals, chemo and baldness, long interrupted nights and weariness, but 2013 was ushered in on wings of feeling rested, having more energy, bone marrow that remains clear of leukaemia cells, nights that are becoming more settled, less sickness, and an end in sight to the two-year reign of chemotherapy in our lives. </div>
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We are enjoying having time and energy to turn our attention to friends and having fun instead of worry. We are grateful for the friends and family who have made 2012 bearable, we look forward to connecting with friends and family new and "old" in 2013, and we mostly look forward to July and an end to the 24 months of Adam's chemo treatment and a beginning to the rest of his healthier life.</div>
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May love and health and joy grace your 2013, may hugs and laughter be your sustenance, and may you always know the love of Christ in all that you are and do. </div>
<br />Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-77230998272118776112012-12-01T07:43:00.003-08:002012-12-01T07:45:16.129-08:00Playing it SafeWe waited with high hopes Friday morning for the results of Adam's blood tests to show that his neutrophils were on the rise and he could go home, only to find our hopes dashed: they were <i>down</i> again! On Wednesday they had gone up to 0.4, but Friday they were 0.2 and they are still at 0.2 this morning too so it looks like we will be spending the weekend in and out of hospital, waiting.<br />
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Adam in himself is doing really good. He looks good, he has energy again, and his mouth is beginning to heal from those awful ulcers that he had for the past two weeks. He's even sleeping well at night, which is a real relief and makes staying at the hospital a little easier to stomach. That is in part due to the portable blackout blinds which I finally brought from home to put up on the windows--it looks like we are living in a little cave now, but it helps with the light that keeps waking Adam up at night. I spent the night last night and he slept through and was not bothered about his infusion at 2am. It was the first night ever in hospital that I didn't have to give him melatonin to go back to sleep, and even had a relatively restful night myself. We both needed it after having Agnes with us the night before--she's got quite a reputation with the hospital staff now, and knows how to press the "code blue" button too!! (I can honestly say if we ever have an emergency on the medical ward, we'll get a very quick response!)<br />
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So, the question on everyone's mind now is, why would the neutrophils go down <i>again</i>? There doesn't seem to be an answer to that question, even for Adam's consultant, or at least not one that is obvious. The main reason to stay in and on IV antibiotics now is for safety, to hopefully prevent Adam getting something that his currently defenceless body could not fight, like a bacterial infection. This seems highly ironic given that every member of his family is fighting a virus right now, coughing and spluttering in the room alongside him. But giving us a bit of safety until his body picks up is comforting as much as it is tiresome to wait. In the meantime we can get out for little breaks between his day-time doses, though stepping out into the freezing Aberdeen wintry cold makes one just a little bit glad for the warmth of the hospital to return to!<br />
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Other positives this time include the four-times-a-day bath that Adam has been administering to himself--he is possibly the cleanest patient in the hospital! The other positive is figuring out I can watch movies on my computer next to him through the long evenings...oh boy am I grateful for lovefilm.com!!<br />
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Once again though, this time in hospital has given me the chance to reconnect with others that in the common parlance are "worse off" than we are. I consider nothing more worse off than spending days, weeks and months in the hospital living in the same limbo, the same artificial lighting and tiny box rooms and not really knowing if or when things will get better. We only get a taste of that at times, but a couple of my friends have been stuck in hospital with their children for months now and I continue to be amazed at their determination and the light they bring to other people. These mums have seen so many people come and go and yet they don't seem to get discouraged but instead make friends with everyone, taking time to talk to other worried mums, hold crying babies, laugh with staff and support the people around them. I know they must get discouraged and have down days, but instead of showing their despair they choose to care for other families and that is something truly inspiring. I am grateful for being able to laugh with them a bit, and honoured to know them.<br />
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And of course, I only know them because of Adam and his needs and experiences. So once again, the "cloud" of disability has the shining silver lining of the beautiful people you meet because of it.Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-47441441635704707722012-11-27T11:18:00.000-08:002012-11-27T11:18:39.762-08:00Of floods and feversJust as the flood waters in England and Wales seem to be rising with all the rain this week, so do Adam's fevers seem to be going up and up with no sign of abating. And in the case of both flood and fever, the only thing you can really do is <em>wait</em>. Maddeningly!!<br />
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I finally brought Adam in to hospital again today at noon, mainly because his temp was again over the threshold the hospital had given me (38.5) and he had started coughing. Not badly, but he also wouldn't eat his breakfast and was laying around looking pathetic. When I called the hospital though, they told me that his neutrophils (a component of white blood cells that respond to infection) were only 0.3. This is even lower than the other day and properly "neutropenic", i.e. Adam has no resistance to anything now and will need hospital support once again until his body gets stronger.<br />
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As anyone who has taken their child into hospital knows, though, Adam was absolutely perfect all afternoon. No temp, ate all his lunch. The consultant Dr King even gave me a ribbing about jumping the gun when he came in. Right before he told me we'd be in "for a whilie" which is Scottish for a while. Not, as he said, "a <em>wee</em> whilie", but "a whilie". So that means, well, nothing really except be patient and wait for test results to come back and blood counts to go up and temperatures to go down.<br />
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<em>Wait</em>. Just like those down south whose homes are flooded are having to do. Only this is really not a crisis like that, this is not our whole life going up in muddy water. This is just annoying. This is just inconvenient, logistically difficult for our family and hard to get things done. This makes us feel disconnected and puts the pressure up for Daddy who still has lots of obligations at work to complete. Including a trip down south to the flood-hit lands for a viva--for somebody <em>else</em> whose life hangs in the balance, or at least their professional life! <br />
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Sometimes I can't believe how interconnected we all are...racing around in our own rat races and having minor and major impacts on others by what happens in our own lives. Being impacted by others, by the weather or travel chaos. And here I am, with loads of time to do things for other people and no way to do it! Or so it seems...maybe I will just have to get creative....<br />
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Anyway, back to Adam. His temp this evening was 39.5, i.e. "way high". And he had trouble eating his dinner because his mouth is more sore, poor soul. What to do? Wait. Apparently. And go visit the lifts in the meantime of course. :)Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-17969682554193188182012-11-23T12:59:00.000-08:002012-11-23T12:59:00.585-08:00Still standingWell, after a long week we are home and, yes, still standing.<br />
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Adam had to go in to hospital after all on Wednesday evening, after the doctors cultured a staph (staphylococcus) bug in his blood. Normally staph grows on our skin, so for it to be in Adam's blood, and potentially in his port (bugs like that love plastic inside someone's body), could be bad and they wanted to treat it quickly and with strong IV antibiotics.<br />
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Adam and I went in about 6pm on Wed, and the nurse finally came to give his IV at 9:30. He was about to drop from tiredness poor boy, but unfortunately for Adam his gripper needle had come out of the port since the night before. So at 9:30 at night and without any cream or spray to numb the skin the nurse tried 2 more times to get the needle in before she got it. Then she gave the antibiotic, but while she was doing so Adam was sick <i>everywhere</i>!! Poor boy, it took me a while to get all cleaned up and the bed made, but in the end we crawled into bed and he was asleep very quickly. We think it was not a coincidence, and probably the bugs were in his port and got flushed through with the antibiotic. Hopefully they were also getting killed at the same time!<br />
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The night was by far our best one yet (at the hospital), and we were only awake from 2-2:30am while the next dose was being given. After that we slept until 8am. I think we actually did better than Daddy, who had to manage both Caleb and Agnes up during the night at home. And this after he had only flown in from Chicago at 1pm that day!!<br />
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Anyway, the next day (Thurs) we found out that it's the "less bad" type of staph bug so we were allowed to go home. The only catch is that Adam has to go back up to hospital every day at 4pm for his antibiotics until next Tuesday, provided that his cultures on Sunday are clear. This is indeed a small price to pay. And the doctor gave us two different medicines for both the thrush and virus in his mouth that are making it swollen and sore. He has a huge cold sore on his lip, and has been drooling like a madman all week! It's getting better already though, so hopefully he'll be much better by Monday and can go back to school. And eat again!<br />
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Because of all this, the doctors decided to postpone his scheduled lumbar puncture until next Thursday, so he will have a week to feel better and be all clear of bugs before his procedure. I am looking forward to that and a clear test so that I can lay my worries to rest, for another month at least. I really can't wait until this is all over and he has all his energy and strength back so that he IS well, rather than just <i>looking</i> well. I know several moms who feel the same, and it's a real encouragement to have their support and know I'm not alone in this waiting game (you know who you are!) :)<br />
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And now, despite another little fever tonight and a complete and utter meltdown about not getting to have a bath at the hospital, Adam, and his brother and sister, are sleeping in their beds and I'm about to join them. It's been a long, long week and even though I'm still standing, I'm going to lay down for a while.<br />
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Adam's face when he saw Daddy for the first time in 6 days...kind of melts your heart, doesn't it? </div>
Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-7458437248643211032012-11-20T13:55:00.001-08:002012-11-20T13:55:09.103-08:00The Fear FactorLittle bit of pins and needles this week, though at the moment all seems to be well.<br />
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Daddy has been in New York, visiting Auntie Lou and family, and then on to his conference in Chicago. He left last Thursday morning and returns tomorrow, yay! Six days is a long time in the life of 9, 6, and 20 months!! Sounds like all has gone well though, minus a few hours of sleep that always get left out in these situations.<br />
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In the meantime, we've done well and are having a rather wet week in Aberdeen. The only slight concern is that Adam has been having low grade temperatures since the night before Brian left. It wouldn't be concerning except that it hasn't gone anywhere...nothing else seems out of the ordinary. He's been tired and grumpy, but you could say that for <b>me</b> most days of the year! However, the nurse who came today to take his bloods thought we should take him in for a full blood count, so we did. Caleb was at his friend Jacob's house, so Agnes, Adam and I went up about 4:30pm and were miraculously home by 6pm. We even had our tea and a Mr Tumble too!<br />
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I just called and the blood results were normal enough, though his neutrophils are close to the "too low" (neutropenic) level. He is due to have a lumbar puncture this Thursday, so as long as the docs are happy that will go ahead as planned. We'll see how he is tomorrow, and of course now that he has some oral antibiotics he should be fine.<br />
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My stress level has been noticeably higher the last few days, though I am reminded of the adage "You find what you are looking for." I don't want to look for Adam's leukaemia to be coming back, I don't want to even be thinking about that. I want to be so positive and strong that the option just isn't even on the table. But this isn't really about what I want.<br />
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This is about my boy, who has been a strong soldier through so much so far, and what God has for his life is unknown to me. I wish I could make everything right for him, but my prayer in this time of fear and uncertainty and doubt is that I can at least make everything safe and gentle for him, inasmuch as it's up to me.<br />
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I am probably not abnormal in saying that I am full of both fear and courage, weakness and strength, doubt and unwavering belief. I both know and don't know what I think will happen in the future, but again it doesn't matter--what happens is really immaterial, it's how you live now that matters. And Adam is a model of living wholly, every minute not as if it were his last, but as if each minute is worth his full attention. He is here now, sleeping peacefully in his bed. I am grateful for that, and for this moment as for many before to be part of his story, no matter how or when it ends or the many adventures that go along with it until that day.Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-63434005285520189922012-10-28T14:55:00.001-07:002012-10-28T14:55:42.544-07:00I don't think you have to be near death to have your life flash before your eyes...it seems to be happening to me all the time now as normal!!<br />
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We are at the end of another October holidays, two weeks off school in the middle of October that I usually dread. This time, though, we had a blast and once again I'll be a little sad tomorrow when life goes back to normal and the boys go back to school.<br />
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The first week we went to Rachel House, a respite centre for families down in lovely Kinross. I took the kids myself so that Daddy could have some quiet time up here to concentrate on work. It was a lovely three days that we spent playing, eating, walking and meeting new friends. Here is one new friend that Caleb and Agnes met the first morning:<br />
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Yes, that IS a snake!! </div>
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The second day the clown doctors came to visit, and spent about 20 minutes with each child singing to them and doing clown-y things. They were amazing, with red noses just like Mr Tumble as Caleb pointed out!<br />
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The clown doctors singing for Adam </div>
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When we came back it was starting to get cold, so we pulled out the robes to try on. All three love their little warm robes, and they looked so cute too that I took this picture:<br />
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Then we introduced Agnes to lollipops, which she thoroughly appreciates, as you can tell!<br />
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This last week Adam spent two really good nights at Archway, a respite place here in Aberdeen. He enjoyed his time with his friends, and I took Caleb and Agnes to the cinema with some friends to see Madagascar 3. It was great, and so nice not to have to run out of the movie every 5 minutes chasing someone!!<br />
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When Adam came home we practiced for Halloween by trying on some old costumes. He liked this one best:<br />
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Then the last Friday of the holidays we actually had a little blizzard!! The snow fell all afternoon, and was just enough for a very dirty snowman that Caleb is making here:<br />
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It was also enough to freeze my clothes on the line! It had been blue sky and sunshine just an hour before, that's why I hung them out. Silly me!!<br />
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Well, that's a good two weeks. Now off to school, but more adventures await, of that I'm sure.<br />
<br />Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-5041095853805430472012-10-10T14:12:00.002-07:002012-10-10T14:12:28.334-07:00Kings and Queens for two daysWell, we officially had the whirlwind weekend of a lifetime!!<br />
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On Saturday the community centre behind our old flat where I worked for a few years had its 70th anniversary celebration, which included a visit from HRH the Earl of Wessex, otherwise known as Prince Edward (Prince Charles' little brother!) It was a rare treat to meet a member of the royal family and see the community where we spent so many good years brought together in celebration and joy.<br />
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Prince Edward, second from the right</div>
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But the real treat of the weekend was our trip to London to meet Mr Tumble! The Make-A-Wish foundation organised the whole thing for Adam, and it was as magical as they had promised it would be.</div>
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It started Sunday morning at 07:30 when we got into the taxi to go to the airport. The flight went really well, and the crew even gave Adam a little bear toy and a bag of sweets to share with his brother and sister. The sweets came in handy getting Agnes to sit still for a minute at a time! We landed in London and got into a car that took us to our hotel--the DoubleTree Hilton Hotel! It was amazing, beautiful and so posh--and what's more, they mixed up the rooms and gave our room to someone else, so then they put us in the Westminster Suite on the top floor!! We had so much space to spread out and so many TV's to enjoy watching! :)</div>
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Our free time was spent searching for food, wandering along the Thames, playing on playgrounds, riding in the London Eye, and taking pictures. Here are a couple from the first day:</div>
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Adam on the "Big Wheel", aka the London Eye</div>
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Adam and Agnes enjoying "Statue Man"</div>
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The family in front of the Houses of Parliament</div>
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Monday morning was an excited blur, eating a quick breakfast and then waiting for Adam's "special car" to arrive. When it did, it was the longest, most beautiful Chrysler stretch limousine I had ever seen (and the only one too)!!</div>
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Caleb was super excited too!!</div>
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So off we went in the limo, first through London and then out to Surrey, where we met up with some other families and finally, after more than a year of anticipation...Mr Tumble himself!!! The <i>real</i> Mr Tumble, who spent an hour with everyone singing songs, talking to everyone, doing some of the characters and then giving autographs and taking pictures. He was so sweet and personable, just like I imagined him to be. And the volunteers with Make-A-Wish were so wonderful, they really looked after everyone and made sure we were having a great time. I can't say enough good about the whole thing.</div>
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"Hello, hello, how are you?"</div>
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You can see from Adam's "wings" that he's transfixed, as is Agnes in front of him!</div>
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A short video of Mr Tumble doing his thing, and Caleb getting into the act too!!</div>
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Sadly our time with Mr Tumble ended all too quickly. We left and got back into our special car (which we casually referred to as "the Limo" all day as if that were our <i>normal</i> ride!!) and headed back into London. Our driver, Gideon, dropped us off at the Rainforest Cafe, where we had a fabulous lunch and watched all the exciting life-size animals move and roar. After the boys ate their weight in ice cream, we got back into "the Limo" and headed to the London Aquarium for our afternoon treat--seeing all the fish, sharks, eels, rays and penguins we could manage before our feet gave out!</div>
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Caleb got up close and personal with a crocodile!</div>
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After the usual dinner, bath and bed routine, we all slept like logs--worn out by the excitement of being VIP's for a day and meeting our very favourite Mr Tumble. Ah, sweet dreams for all!!</div>
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So that pretty much ended it...we had another stellar breakfast Tuesday morning, took a short walk, some photos and had another play on the playground before hopping into a car and heading back to the airport. And real life. It was all so wonderful to have that experience, all of which Adam thoroughly enjoyed. He loved the taxis, the food, the walking, the fish, the Eye, and most of all Mr Tumble. After all he's been through this last 18 months, to "give" him that trip was amazing, and to be <i>given</i> the ability to enjoy it with him without worrying about anything...well, that really was priceless.</div>
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Thanks again to the Make-A-Wish foundation, for helping us to forget for two days and feel like kings and queens. And for giving us one very happy boy.</div>
Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-43506715026954379202012-10-06T15:00:00.001-07:002012-10-06T15:02:47.732-07:00P.S. Happy Birthday Adam!You may remember that Adam's birthday was at the end of August, on the same day as his most recent lumbar puncture. Here are a couple more photos from that day, just for fun:<br />
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Oh mom, do you have to sit so close?! </div>
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Sister and Auntie Meg know how to party!</div>
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Following Adam's grand old afternoon Oma from California arrived to help out and soon Opa followed. The reason? Mom and Dad's 15th Anniversary Grand Getaway to Greece!! Yes, we left it all behind for nearly a week to see the sun and ancient sights in Athens. We took too many pictures to post here, but I'll try to make an album and upload that soon.</div>
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Now, tomorrow we are off to LONDON to MEET MR TUMBLE!! This is it, the big day--the wish that Adam made to meet Mr Tumble, his favourite TV character! We meet him on Monday morning, so be thinking of us when you are off to work! I'll post pics straight away when I get back, I promise!!</div>
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I know that 7:30am will come early, so I'll sign off now. Sweet dreams (if I can get to sleep!!) </div>
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<br />Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-87039997052856698532012-09-19T17:45:00.001-07:002012-09-19T17:45:54.324-07:00The Birthday BashI have been doing some housekeeping these past few nights, owing to the fact that I will join Brian for our long-awaited 15th anniversary trip to Greece tomorrow...finally!! I am grateful to have this opportunity, not only to the International Federation of Evangelical Churches for inviting Brian to their conference (and paying his way!) but also to my parents for taking charge of our three little whirlwinds for a week so we could do it!!<br />
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Also long-awaited are the pics from Adam's birthday party, held earlier this month. We invited his class, and though only three of the boys could make it we had a great group assembled. A few extra people and some friends of both the boys came along to help us celebrate. I know Adam knew he had friends around him--he was a happy boy.<br />
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The birthday boy giving a big wave </div>
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Hungry chops, and the quietest group they had ever seen! </div>
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It was a great afternoon...still can't believe it's been nine years, but we are blessed. </div>
Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-35832236407681084952012-08-29T14:52:00.002-07:002012-08-29T14:52:19.652-07:00Birthday Wishes for AdamDear Adam,<br />
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Today you turned 9 years old.<br />
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I was amazed to see it written--it looks such an old number, if you know what I mean! I was sorry to see it written on your hospital chart, though, as once again the logistics of life meant that you had your routine 3-monthly lumbar puncture today. Happy Birthday Adam, have an anaesthetic!! Just kidding...I knew you wouldn't mind, especially since your party is not until Sunday. And with your usual grace and humour you sailed through it all yet again.<br />
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They complicated it this time by working on your ears too, which still defy all logic. The doctor said your left ear is infected so he prescribed some drops (you've already had your first dose without any trouble). The right ear, though, will continue to be a problem for some time. It's infected and scarred in the middle ear, so they had to cauterise it with silver nitrate and pack it with antibiotic ointment. The doctor does not know how much your hearing has been affected, or if it will be permanent damage or not. We'll know that in a few weeks, I guess. You also have a big hole in your eardrum, which is why you've had all that drainage over the past few months.<br />
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I'm sorry it's taken so long to get all this sorted, and that it had to be sorted on your birthday. You are most gracious. And after all that, you have also been walking funny tonight, hunched over and stiff. I wonder if they grazed a nerve with their needle? Are you sore? Is this something more sinister that I don't even want to name yet? I wish you could tell me how you feel!! Oh, how that has been the refrain of my heart for the last 9 years...Adam, we do need to work on your words :)<br />
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Well, you are happy just now and have enjoyed a bucket (literally) of ice cream tonight. And a special trip with Daddy. And a little party with your classmates, ahead of the one on Sunday. I have been grateful for your smile and cheeky mood since you woke up this afternoon from your nap. I am glad to have had nine years to begin to learn and love, and hope for many, many more to continue that journey.<br />
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Your faithful, if clumsy, Mother...<br />
I love you.<br />
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Mum practicing with her new camera...caught me playing ball! </div>
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My handsome shot...playing drums at the recent day out in Ellon</div>
Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-20122122104583913782012-08-16T13:34:00.004-07:002012-08-16T13:35:16.189-07:00I am not very good at blogging. Have I said this before?<br />
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However...the summer is going by in a blur, school restarts in 5 days, and it's about time for an update.<br />
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This summer could not have been any more different from last summer, that's point one. For a start, Adam is doing well on his very predictable and manageable chemo maintenance programme (more about that later), and we have learned how to deal with the fluctuations in his mood and appetite so that life does indeed feel normal. He looks and acts so healthy, you would never know the trauma of last summer, which is a good thing--it is fading even from our memories.<br />
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Caleb has been impressing me lately with his very rational thought, so calm and like his Dad. The other day Adam had his first sleepover with his new respite place and as we left I was fretting..."I hope he's ok, I hope they know what to do for him," etc. Caleb looked at me and calmly said, without reproach but with firm intent: "Mom, just leave it. He'll be fine, stop thinking about it." So right, and so young to know when to care and when to let go. I do appreciate his support...even while I'm also chiding him about not winding his sister up so much!<br />
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Agnes, well she's 17 months now and learning fast, growing faster. She is the epitome of stubborn!! She is learning new words every day and keeps up with her brothers more than ever. I laugh constantly at her funny faces, her enjoyment of everything ("WOW, wat is <i>dat</i>??!!!") and her snuggles just when I want to throw a plate at the wall. She is a light, and complements the other lights around here well.<br />
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This summer we have been given a place for Adam at a respite centre close to our house. He had his first overnight last night and did brilliantly. He slept all the way through without a peep--something he would do only if he felt comfortable and safe. We are grateful for the time he can now have with "his friends", and for time that we four can do things Adam doesn't like doing without guilt. Last night we got a Chinese takeaway and watched "Despicable Me", all in one go, all sitting quietly on the couch...bless Adam, the sitting still and not worrying are the blessings of his absence. On the flip side, though, it was TOO quiet and I missed the hum of his noises in the background that I didn't realise until last night tell me subconsciously that all is well. Without his noises I have to think a bit more in a way that is maybe more like fretting, so Adam has become for me a comfort and constant humming presence that I appreciate. That is a good thing and I'm glad for a chance to be grateful for it.<br />
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What else...we have enjoyed time with lots of cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles and even second cousins twice removed and a half twist or something like that! It's been wonderful to have people come all this way to US, since we can't go anywhere yet ourselves. What could have been a dull summer (and year) of drudging through chemo and feeling isolated has instead been a gift of a summer with lots of people and noise to enjoy surrounding us. We have seen some new things and been blessed by sharing our lives in big and small ways. The occasional craziness is always worth it, though I'm not saying it's a bad thing to have a quiet night to blog a bit now and again... :)<br />
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Oh, and finally: We now have our date to meet "Mr Tumble"--October 8, 2012!!! That's coming up quick, so mom will have to try to keep her lid on and do normal life for the next 8 weeks or so! Another visit with Oma and Opa from California should help, as will returning to work and school routine. But I'll be sure to keep you posted as we have more details...London and Mr Tumble, here we come!!<br />
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Now, since I know everyone just wants to see some photos...here is a brief selection from the summer:<br />
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boys enjoying a moment together in the Botanical Gardens </div>
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With cousin Nathan at Fyvie castle </div>
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Sometimes you just want a naked swing, ok? </div>
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Looking cute before she launches herself off the train, at Seaton Park</div>
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Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-34647271466762067002012-07-08T11:43:00.003-07:002012-07-08T11:43:35.283-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Apologies for the long absence...all is well in the Brock household. </div>
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We passed June in a bit of a blur, enjoying a visit from cousins, aunts, uncles and Oma and Papa from Texas. It was nice getting to show them all around our home city and introduce them to our favourite coffee shop, our church, our routines and of course: to Agnes! She fit right in with the crew and loved all the attention from her female cousins. She is 16 months going on 16 to be sure!</div>
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It was nice to be so pleasantly distracted in what is usually a very busy time of year for Brian and I. However, we did not overlook the one year anniversary of Adam's diagnosis on June 16. It was pouring with rain, as was "that day" one year ago, but the similarities stopped there. Adam had a great day and we spent it all together, which was what we were robbed of last year. In actual fact, I found his Leukaemia diagnosis much harder to deal with than his other diagnoses, mainly because it was, and still <i>is</i>, more life-threatening than his Down Syndrome or his Autism. It also changed life from what was normal, albeit different and difficult at times, to something abnormal, something frightening.</div>
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We are now one year on, and life is normal again, not that it hasn't changed significantly. We still give medicines every morning and evening, including chemotherapy. Once a month he goes in for an infusion and then has five days of steroids that throw our routine off a bit. But overall Adam is back, he is happy and energetic and full of life. He has weathered the storm and continues to grow, learn, communicate, be mischievous, and thrive. </div>
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Here he is watching the "Race for Life" in Aberdeen on July 1. This year, as with last year, our friend Chioma ran with Adam's picture glued to her back, in honour of him and his fight against cancer--along with SO MANY other friends, family, and friends of friends who have and are fighting against it too. It was a pleasure to <i>walk</i> with him to and from the race this year, as last year he couldn't walk and had to ride in the buggy the whole time. Even the rain couldn't dampen our enthusiasm!!</div>
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The whole gang watching the runners--funny that the only one in short sleeves is the Texan! :)</div>
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Lovely Oma and her Scotland grandkids on the way home...surprised to have caught everyone looking at the camera for once!</div>
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Adam and sister swinging at the park--the love and care he shows for her is amazing. All the kids interact really well, but Agnes has brought out a nice, sweet side of Adam for sure.</div>
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We spent this weekend doing lots of walking in the forest--yesterday in the rain, today in the warm cloudy weather. It is good therapy for a mostly city-bound mum and dad. Adam walked really well which made me think again of how far we've come from the chemo-riddled boy of last year. Agnes found and played with a spider for a LONG time today (yuk!) which kept her entertained while the boys and I took an extra loop over the hill together to meet her and Daddy. I am grateful for this time, for this summer that holds the promise of long days to walk and play and be <i>out</i>--not cooped up in the hospital like <i>last</i> summer. It makes me want to celebrate every day, both how much the kids put up with last year and how much freedom we have this year by comparison. And we will--another pleasure of this year is having residency and the financial boost of receiving benefits from the state for the first time ever. If we spend every last pence on ice cream and coffee, so be it! ;) </div>
<br />Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-37937932363507723972012-06-16T12:41:00.001-07:002012-06-16T12:41:27.791-07:00One year on...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This picture says it all...one year ago Adam was being diagnosed with Leukaemia, sick and tired and in pain all around. THIS year, he was playing with his cousins, hugging and loving and healthy and full of life. It's been a hard year, but one in which we've all learned a lot. And who can argue with the joy that smile conveys?!<br />
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Happy Anniversary Adam...one year down, two to go. Here's to more smiles and many more years.Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7185401176964318582.post-24933393760022714582012-06-01T23:46:00.002-07:002012-07-21T08:24:06.007-07:00Summertime!Yes, you read that right--even Aberdeen has its summer! I wanted to post some pictures from our recent "heat wave"to show that it doesn't take much to get out and about, only about 72 degrees!! It is over, of course, the summer heat that is, but that doesn't mean we can't remember it fondly...<br />
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This was the Aberdeen 10K, down at the beach that I ran for Children's Hospice Association of Scotland--46:01, not bad for a "veteran"! As you can see that was the start of the sunny days, though not too hot yet.<br />
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Here we are in the back garden with our friends the Drapers, enjoying the sun and watching the boys have a good time.<br />
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Now, Agnes is only 14 months, but already she knows how to handle the heat! And she loves the beach...that's my girl!!<br />
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Daddy and brother wrestling in the sand...one of them is soon going to be a "jelly donut", and I'll bet you can guess who!<br />
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Adam made sure nobody took our blanket, and enjoyed rocking and singing in the sun.<br />
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That's all for now...it's a terrible catch up, but I'll be back soon for the real details.Stephanie Brockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10603004562325101192noreply@blogger.com1