We are nearing the dreaded four week mark, at which point Adam's "numbers" (the percentage of his blood cells that are leukaemic and therefore indicate how well he has responded to treatment in this first phase of chemo) are supposed to be zero. The whole point of the first four weeks is to zap his body with enough toxic chemicals that all the bad cells die, a point called remission. The only problem with that is that his good cells will also be killed off during this phase, leaving him very vulnerable to infection. The point where Adam does not have enough white blood cells to fight infection is called "neutropenia", and when he reaches this point he will be "neutropenic."
We are there today. And tonight Caleb had a fever. Oh Dear.
We are trying to convince ourselves that Caleb might just be tired from two days of football camp, where I know he has been exerting himself all day in the fresh air. It might just be that his body is tired and a good night's sleep will restore his equilibrium. Of course, it might also not be that, and it's the feeling of not knowing what is in store that makes me think of walking along a cliff, teetering on the edge and looking down over into the abyss.
I wish we had parachutes, or a magic carpet, or something. Instead we have Nurofen and our prayers, which tonight are for rest, healing and faith to keep walking and not be afraid.