Birthday Wishes for Adam

Dear Adam,

Today you turned 9 years old.

I was amazed to see it written--it looks such an old number, if you know what I mean! I was sorry to see it written on your hospital chart, though, as once again the logistics of life meant that you had your routine 3-monthly lumbar puncture today. Happy Birthday Adam, have an anaesthetic!! Just kidding...I knew you wouldn't mind, especially since your party is not until Sunday. And with your usual grace and humour you sailed through it all yet again.

They complicated it this time by working on your ears too, which still defy all logic. The doctor said your left ear is infected so he prescribed some drops (you've already had your first dose without any trouble). The right ear, though, will continue to be a problem for some time. It's infected and scarred in the middle ear, so they had to cauterise it with silver nitrate and pack it with antibiotic ointment. The doctor does not know how much your hearing has been affected, or if it will be permanent damage or not. We'll know that in a few weeks, I guess. You also have a big hole in your eardrum, which is why you've had all that drainage over the past few months.

I'm sorry it's taken so long to get all this sorted, and that it had to be sorted on your birthday. You are most gracious. And after all that, you have also been walking funny tonight, hunched over and stiff. I wonder if they grazed a nerve with their needle? Are you sore? Is this something more sinister that I don't even want to name yet? I wish you could tell me how you feel!! Oh, how that has been the refrain of my heart for the last 9 years...Adam, we do need to work on your words :)

Well, you are happy just now and have enjoyed a bucket (literally) of ice cream tonight. And a special trip with Daddy. And a little party with your classmates, ahead of the one on Sunday. I have been grateful for your smile and cheeky mood since you woke up this afternoon from your nap. I am glad to have had nine years to begin to learn and love, and hope for many, many more to continue that journey.

Your faithful, if clumsy, Mother...
I love you.

Mum practicing with her new camera...caught me playing ball! 

My handsome shot...playing drums at the recent day out in Ellon

I am not very good at blogging. Have I said this before?

However...the summer is going by in a blur, school restarts in 5 days, and it's about time for an update.

This summer could not have been any more different from last summer, that's point one. For a start, Adam is doing well on his very predictable and manageable chemo maintenance programme (more about that later), and we have learned how to deal with the fluctuations in his mood and appetite so that life does indeed feel normal. He looks and acts so healthy, you would never know the trauma of last summer, which is a good thing--it is fading even from our memories.

Caleb has been impressing me lately with his very rational thought, so calm and like his Dad. The other day Adam had his first sleepover with his new respite place and as we left I was fretting..."I hope he's ok, I hope they know what to do for him," etc. Caleb looked at me and calmly said, without reproach but with firm intent: "Mom, just leave it. He'll be fine, stop thinking about it." So right, and so young to know when to care and when to let go. I do appreciate his support...even while I'm also chiding him about not winding his sister up so much!

Agnes, well she's 17 months now and learning fast, growing faster. She is the epitome of stubborn!! She is learning new words every day and keeps up with her brothers more than ever. I laugh constantly at her funny faces, her enjoyment of everything ("WOW, wat is dat??!!!") and her snuggles just when I want to throw a plate at the wall. She is a light, and complements the other lights around here well.

This summer we have been given a place for Adam at a respite centre close to our house. He had his first overnight last night and did brilliantly. He slept all the way through without a peep--something he would do only if he felt comfortable and safe. We are grateful for the time he can now have with "his friends", and for time that we four can do things Adam doesn't like doing without guilt. Last night we got a Chinese takeaway and watched "Despicable Me", all in one go, all sitting quietly on the couch...bless Adam, the sitting still and not worrying are the blessings of his absence. On the flip side, though, it was TOO quiet and I missed the hum of his noises in the background that I didn't realise until last night tell me subconsciously that all is well. Without his noises I have to think a bit more in a way that is maybe more like fretting, so Adam has become for me a comfort and constant humming presence that I appreciate. That is a good thing and I'm glad for a chance to be grateful for it.

What else...we have enjoyed time with lots of cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles and even second cousins twice removed and a half twist or something like that! It's been wonderful to have people come all this way to US, since we can't go anywhere yet ourselves. What could have been a dull summer (and year) of drudging through chemo and feeling isolated has instead been a gift of a summer with lots of people and noise to enjoy surrounding us. We have seen some new things and been blessed by sharing our lives in big and small ways. The occasional craziness is always worth it, though I'm not saying it's a bad thing to have a quiet night to blog a bit now and again... :)

Oh, and finally: We now have our date to meet "Mr Tumble"--October 8, 2012!!! That's coming up quick, so mom will have to try to keep her lid on and do normal life for the next 8 weeks or so! Another visit with Oma and Opa from California should help, as will returning to work and school routine. But I'll be sure to keep you posted as we have more details...London and Mr Tumble, here we come!!

Now, since I know everyone just wants to see some photos...here is a brief selection from the summer:

boys enjoying a moment together in the Botanical Gardens 

With cousin Nathan at Fyvie castle 

Sometimes you just want a naked swing, ok? 

Looking cute before she launches herself off the train, at Seaton Park