Birthday Wishes for Adam

Dear Adam,

Today you turned 9 years old.

I was amazed to see it written--it looks such an old number, if you know what I mean! I was sorry to see it written on your hospital chart, though, as once again the logistics of life meant that you had your routine 3-monthly lumbar puncture today. Happy Birthday Adam, have an anaesthetic!! Just kidding...I knew you wouldn't mind, especially since your party is not until Sunday. And with your usual grace and humour you sailed through it all yet again.

They complicated it this time by working on your ears too, which still defy all logic. The doctor said your left ear is infected so he prescribed some drops (you've already had your first dose without any trouble). The right ear, though, will continue to be a problem for some time. It's infected and scarred in the middle ear, so they had to cauterise it with silver nitrate and pack it with antibiotic ointment. The doctor does not know how much your hearing has been affected, or if it will be permanent damage or not. We'll know that in a few weeks, I guess. You also have a big hole in your eardrum, which is why you've had all that drainage over the past few months.

I'm sorry it's taken so long to get all this sorted, and that it had to be sorted on your birthday. You are most gracious. And after all that, you have also been walking funny tonight, hunched over and stiff. I wonder if they grazed a nerve with their needle? Are you sore? Is this something more sinister that I don't even want to name yet? I wish you could tell me how you feel!! Oh, how that has been the refrain of my heart for the last 9 years...Adam, we do need to work on your words :)

Well, you are happy just now and have enjoyed a bucket (literally) of ice cream tonight. And a special trip with Daddy. And a little party with your classmates, ahead of the one on Sunday. I have been grateful for your smile and cheeky mood since you woke up this afternoon from your nap. I am glad to have had nine years to begin to learn and love, and hope for many, many more to continue that journey.

Your faithful, if clumsy, Mother...
I love you.

Mum practicing with her new camera...caught me playing ball! 

My handsome shot...playing drums at the recent day out in Ellon

I am not very good at blogging. Have I said this before?

However...the summer is going by in a blur, school restarts in 5 days, and it's about time for an update.

This summer could not have been any more different from last summer, that's point one. For a start, Adam is doing well on his very predictable and manageable chemo maintenance programme (more about that later), and we have learned how to deal with the fluctuations in his mood and appetite so that life does indeed feel normal. He looks and acts so healthy, you would never know the trauma of last summer, which is a good thing--it is fading even from our memories.

Caleb has been impressing me lately with his very rational thought, so calm and like his Dad. The other day Adam had his first sleepover with his new respite place and as we left I was fretting..."I hope he's ok, I hope they know what to do for him," etc. Caleb looked at me and calmly said, without reproach but with firm intent: "Mom, just leave it. He'll be fine, stop thinking about it." So right, and so young to know when to care and when to let go. I do appreciate his support...even while I'm also chiding him about not winding his sister up so much!

Agnes, well she's 17 months now and learning fast, growing faster. She is the epitome of stubborn!! She is learning new words every day and keeps up with her brothers more than ever. I laugh constantly at her funny faces, her enjoyment of everything ("WOW, wat is dat??!!!") and her snuggles just when I want to throw a plate at the wall. She is a light, and complements the other lights around here well.

This summer we have been given a place for Adam at a respite centre close to our house. He had his first overnight last night and did brilliantly. He slept all the way through without a peep--something he would do only if he felt comfortable and safe. We are grateful for the time he can now have with "his friends", and for time that we four can do things Adam doesn't like doing without guilt. Last night we got a Chinese takeaway and watched "Despicable Me", all in one go, all sitting quietly on the couch...bless Adam, the sitting still and not worrying are the blessings of his absence. On the flip side, though, it was TOO quiet and I missed the hum of his noises in the background that I didn't realise until last night tell me subconsciously that all is well. Without his noises I have to think a bit more in a way that is maybe more like fretting, so Adam has become for me a comfort and constant humming presence that I appreciate. That is a good thing and I'm glad for a chance to be grateful for it.

What else...we have enjoyed time with lots of cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles and even second cousins twice removed and a half twist or something like that! It's been wonderful to have people come all this way to US, since we can't go anywhere yet ourselves. What could have been a dull summer (and year) of drudging through chemo and feeling isolated has instead been a gift of a summer with lots of people and noise to enjoy surrounding us. We have seen some new things and been blessed by sharing our lives in big and small ways. The occasional craziness is always worth it, though I'm not saying it's a bad thing to have a quiet night to blog a bit now and again... :)

Oh, and finally: We now have our date to meet "Mr Tumble"--October 8, 2012!!! That's coming up quick, so mom will have to try to keep her lid on and do normal life for the next 8 weeks or so! Another visit with Oma and Opa from California should help, as will returning to work and school routine. But I'll be sure to keep you posted as we have more details...London and Mr Tumble, here we come!!

Now, since I know everyone just wants to see some photos...here is a brief selection from the summer:

boys enjoying a moment together in the Botanical Gardens 

With cousin Nathan at Fyvie castle 

Sometimes you just want a naked swing, ok? 

Looking cute before she launches herself off the train, at Seaton Park

Apologies for the long absence...all is well in the Brock household. 

We passed June in a bit of a blur, enjoying a visit from cousins, aunts, uncles and Oma and Papa from Texas. It was nice getting to show them all around our home city and introduce them to our favourite coffee shop, our church, our routines and of course: to Agnes! She fit right in with the crew and loved all the attention from her female cousins. She is 16 months going on 16 to be sure!

It was nice to be so pleasantly distracted in what is usually a very busy time of year for Brian and I. However, we did not overlook the one year anniversary of Adam's diagnosis on June 16. It was pouring with rain, as was "that day" one year ago, but the similarities stopped there. Adam had a great day and we spent it all together, which was what we were robbed of last year. In actual fact, I found his Leukaemia diagnosis much harder to deal with than his other diagnoses, mainly because it was, and still is, more life-threatening than his Down Syndrome or his Autism. It also changed life from what was normal, albeit different and difficult at times, to something abnormal, something frightening.

We are now one year on, and life is normal again, not that it hasn't changed significantly. We still give medicines every morning and evening, including chemotherapy. Once a month he goes in for an infusion and then has five days of steroids that throw our routine off a bit. But overall Adam is back, he is happy and energetic and full of life. He has weathered the storm and continues to grow, learn, communicate, be mischievous, and thrive. 

Here he is watching the "Race for Life" in Aberdeen on July 1. This year, as with last year, our friend Chioma ran with Adam's picture glued to her back, in honour of him and his fight against cancer--along with SO MANY other friends, family, and friends of friends who have and are fighting against it too. It was a pleasure to walk with him to and from the race this year, as last year he couldn't walk and had to ride in the buggy the whole time. Even the rain couldn't dampen our enthusiasm!!

The whole gang watching the runners--funny that the only one in short sleeves is the Texan! :)

Lovely Oma and her Scotland grandkids on the way home...surprised to have caught everyone looking at the camera for once!

Adam and sister swinging at the park--the love and care he shows for her is amazing. All the kids interact really well, but Agnes has brought out a nice, sweet side of Adam for sure.

We spent this weekend doing lots of walking in the forest--yesterday in the rain, today in the warm cloudy weather. It is good therapy for a mostly city-bound mum and dad. Adam walked really well which made me think again of how far we've come from the chemo-riddled boy of last year. Agnes found and played with a spider for a LONG time today (yuk!) which kept her entertained while the boys and I took an extra loop over the hill together to meet her and Daddy. I am grateful for this time, for this summer that holds the promise of long days to walk and play and be out--not cooped up in the hospital like last summer. It makes me want to celebrate every day, both how much the kids put up with last year and how much freedom we have this year by comparison. And we will--another pleasure of this year is having residency and the financial boost of receiving benefits from the state for the first time ever. If we spend every last pence on ice cream and coffee, so be it! ;) 

One year on...

This picture says it all...one year ago Adam was being diagnosed with Leukaemia, sick and tired and in pain all around. THIS year, he was playing with his cousins, hugging and loving and healthy and full of life. It's been a hard year, but one in which we've all learned a lot. And who can argue with the joy that smile conveys?!

Happy Anniversary Adam...one year down, two to go. Here's to more smiles and many more years.

Summertime!

Yes, you read that right--even Aberdeen has its summer! I wanted to post some pictures from our recent "heat wave"to show that it doesn't take much to get out and about, only about 72 degrees!! It is over, of course, the summer heat that is, but that doesn't mean we can't remember it fondly...

This was the Aberdeen 10K, down at the beach that I ran for Children's Hospice Association of Scotland--46:01, not bad for a "veteran"! As you can see that was the start of the sunny days, though not too hot yet.

Here we are in the back garden with our friends the Drapers, enjoying the sun and watching the boys have a good time.

Now, Agnes is only 14 months, but already she knows how to handle the heat! And she loves the beach...that's my girl!!

Daddy and brother wrestling in the sand...one of them is soon going to be a "jelly donut", and I'll bet you can guess who!

Adam made sure nobody took our blanket, and enjoyed rocking and singing in the sun.

That's all for now...it's a terrible catch up, but I'll be back soon for the real details.

My Agnes

My sweet little Agnes, a ray of sunshine into my very heart--here are a few pics of your absolute precious-ness--I love you!

pensive in the sunlight...

look at me CHOPPERS!

And now for my first attempt at croquet...

Daffodils always make me swoon...

Is it time for school yet?

This is just a week in the life...what a life it is!

Birthday reflections

This last weekend we decided to treat Uncle David to some touristing, and chose two sites that we are particularly fond of to go and see together. On Saturday we decided to visit Dunnottar castle, which is located just outside of Stonehaven about 13 miles south of Aberdeen. Unfortunately for our view we had the worst "haar" (or fog) in Aberdeen that I have seen in a long time that whole day, so much so that you couldn't even see the castle at all! The walk we did to it was cold and damp and everybody was a little weary by the end of the tour, including and especially Dad who pushed a crying baby in the buggy all the way back to the car so that he could pick us up (and not have to bump the buggy and baby down and up all the steps to the castle. It was built, after all, before disability regulations had come into effect. As in the 1300's!)

here is a pic of the "to" part of the journey--brrr!

Luckily Saturday night provided warm and welcome relief in the form of music at a local pub called the Blue Lamp, played by one of Brian's colleagues, one of his students, and two other divinity students. The group is called "Trimmed and Burning" and they are, to put it mildly, fantastic. We took Uncle David with us and he really enjoyed the night.

Sunday dawned clear and bright and proved to be the best of the weekend by far. We headed inland to Huntly to see the castle and play on the playground, followed by a picnic lunch in a town called Dufftown at another playground. Then a walk to the Glenfiddich Distillery for a tour of the warehouse and whiskey tasting. Then a pub dinner and back home in the gathering twilight to put the kids down and play another game of "Shoot the Moon". The day stayed warm and sunny all day--here are a couple of pics to show the fun times in action:

Mom and kids in full swing

Adam doing some climbing on the way to the Distillery

The evidence in plain view!

All this was a great preamble to turning 38 on Monday. I showered myself with sunshine and a cupcake for lunch, Caleb showered me with "presents" he made, Brian showered me with music and the Lord showered me with several days of sun and warmth (including the one day of haar to keep my expectations real!)

Overall I can say that it feels good to have another year under my belt. And a year in which I welcomed our daughter from my belly into my arms--wooed by her sweet smile and gorgeous personality every day, she has added light to my heart. I was also introduced to cancer in our family through dear sweet Adam, who has taught me anew what it means to soldier on and smile with your hands and soul even when your very marrow is rebelling. Brian and I have acknowledged both trials and the consolation of dear friends that keeps us going...Caleb has embraced both the loss of teeth and a place on the school council! I am running again and looking forward to doing my first race in three years on the 28th of April. If I may say so, I am faster than when I was only 37, and that right there is worth adding another year on!