It all adds up

It's getting close to bedtime after a long and busy day, so logically that means it's the perfect time to sit down and write the first blog in 6 weeks!!

I felt guilty for a few days, then forgot all about blogging, then felt guilty again, and now I just wonder how on earth can you sum up the last 6 weeks in a few paragraphs? You can't, is the short answer. What I thought I would do instead is write in short blurbs some of the things that have happened over the Christmas period, in no particular order of importance:

We had snow upon snow before school got out, making the Christmas season indeed festive in appearance, though all of our Christmas parties got cancelled, as did swimming club and school on two occasions, and getting about was tricky at best and downright impossible at worst. So we are glad to have had a snow-free few weeks and lots of blue skies and sun the last few days especially.

Adam has turned over a new leaf and now goes around the house "tidying up", an improvement over throwing things around though I still can't find most of the stuff he "tidies"! He has also developed his love of drumming, dressing up, and watching Mr Tumble (BBC CBeebies character on the show Something Special). He is great at saying hello and bye-bye, and is learning and using more signs, correctly, these days too. He knows the difference about which shoes he needs on which days (i.e. trainers on the weekend, school shoes during the week), and can find them himself. We still await word on the Coordinated Support Plan we applied for, and should be hearing soon. School continues much as before and we are hopeful that things will change for the good this year.

Caleb has spent much of the last few weeks, and most of the time he was sick over the holidays, drawing various animals/characters/vehicles. He wants to know how to write their names, is learning to spell and write, count, recognises letters and numbers everywhere, and never lets more than a few seconds go by without asking me some number or letter question. He is the tallest and oldest in his nursery class, and I have just finished doing the paperwork for him to enter Primary one in the fall. I think he is both excited and nervous about the baby, though in following his father's footsteps he doesn't seem to need to speak about it too much, yet. I keep a close eye on him, and am very much enjoying his company in these rougher days recently.

Brian is enjoying a busy "break" from term duties, finishing up a book that he has been editing and attending meetings away now and again. He notes the lack of physical exercise though I try to reassure him it's just a season. He faithfully carried the family while we were all sick over the holidays, and even shared his Planet Earth videos with us!

I am now nearly 34 weeks pregnant and very much feeling it. It did not help to have the flu over Christmas, along with the whole family, and a cough that has left me with sore ribs still four weeks later. But the baby is growing well, moving vigorously, and hopefully plumping up nicely for his/her debut in a few weeks' time. I'm mostly functional again now after several weeks out, and just today painted two radiators and cleaned a windowsill, thus the reason my body is particularly ready for bed tonight!

Shortly before Christmas we found a house for sale just around the corner we are thinking of buying. Of course, the first step is to get our flat ready to be surveyed, photographed, viewed and sold, which of course is the reason to paint radiators at this point in my life. And a LOT more work than I thought it would be, especially with sore ribs!! I often, as in every 10 minutes, wonder about the logic of taking these steps so late in this pregnancy, but both Brian and I are at peace that if it's meant to be it will happen and if not we are ok with that too. It doesn't hurt to have clean radiators no matter what, and maybe, just maybe, we'll end up with a shed and garden and loft to boot. Though at this point probably after March 10th!

I do wish the radiator in the hallway was less salmon than it is, though.

And now, I am grateful for Paracetamol, which will help me get into a horizontal position, slowly get comfortable, and hopefully sleep for long enough to feel like doing this all again tomorrow. Hello again, and goodbye again for now, hope to see you again before too long.

What was I saying about Rambo?

Is this pregnancy hormones, or something in the water I'm drinking? After the scene the other day at Ramboland, which I have only just begun to recover from and stop analysing, I have now begun another fight.

This time, it's against Aberdeen City Council, who are proposing a series of drastic cuts to educational services for children with Additional Support Needs. Not only are they suggesting that 50%, or possibly even 100%, of Pupil Support Assistants (PSA's) should be cut from ASN classrooms, they are also proposing to raise class sizes from a teacher:pupil ratio of 1:7 to 1:10. Among other ludicrous suggestions, the impact of these cuts have not been explored, nor have they fully consulted with the groups of people likely to be affected most: parents, teachers, support staff and most of all the children with special needs in question.

But they wouldn't get much from the children, would they? No, because many of them can't speak for themselves, let alone speak at all. And their parents are often so involved in looking after them and surviving day to day that they have no energy to fight this subtle attack from the city council.

So I guess that's why I've dug out my cammos, machete and war paint. Here I go again, and if you care to join us, look for Save Aberdeen ASN Services on facebook, or sign the petition here. Thanks.

A little bit of Rambo in us all

Yesterday I did something that I didn't think I would do, though it has always occurred to me that I am capable of it. I lost my rag at some kids who were harassing Adam. And their moms. Loudly.

Seeing as the snow continued to pour down out of the heavens, and we had once again been cooped up in the flat until noon, I decided to take the boys down to the beach to an indoor soft-play centre called "Ramboland". This place is the epitome of cheesiness, with life-sized murals of Sylvester Stallone as Rambo painted all over the walls. It is also, however, Adam's favourite place, probably because we don't go there very often. No real reason, except that we usually either walk to the close one (especially when the roads are covered in ice and slush), or drive to the farther ones to use up more time and see a bit of country. Ramboland also has the benefit of being next door to Burger King, just in case you need a bit of sustenance after your play.

As we walked through the gates I had the simultaneous joy at noticing we were the only ones there, and disappointment as four moms with at least 3 kids each came in just behind us. Oh well, makes for a bit of entertainment, I thought. Little did I know!

It quickly became apparent that the kids had observed Adam's "differences", and though he didn't pay them a bit of attention they proceeded to run away from him, follow him around, and generally behave like idiots. All the while Adam was merrily doing the loop and really enjoying himself, so I didn't pay too much attention until Caleb came up to me and said "Those kids are saying we're monsters, but we're not monsters at all." I knew exactly who they were calling a monster, and that's when I stopped focusing on my book.

I'll skip the details, but suffice it to say that for an hour and a half I watched the kids acting stupid and their moms being totally blase about it. Finally I put down my book and went to play with Adam and Caleb, feeling that little bit protective, and when the boys (about 8-9 years old) were staring at us from above I lost it. "YOU! (I pointed to one) GET MOVING!" And I indicated with my hand that he could take a hike. No fingers, just move it along. I did the same with another who was watching, and added, more for my sake than anything, "LEAVE HIM ALONE, I'M SICK OF IT!!"

Well, next thing I know he's running to mama and crying at top volume. At which point I stalk over and give it to him and the moms all at once. The only defense they offered is that "they are just children", at which point I asked one "Do you know what it feels like to watch your child being treated this way?" She had nothing to say. A little while later they left, and I turned my back on them all as they went out the door.

I would like to say that I'm proud of this, but I'm not. I'm glad that I defended Adam, that I had the words to say, and just enough righteous anger, to make them hit home. I hope that every one of the kids and moms learned a lesson, but the reality is they probably didn't. I know that even though Jesus turned the tables in the temple, that was only one example of pure-D anger out of so many other examples of being patient, forbearing, gently instructive and teaching the people who didn't understand Him at all.

The real irony of the whole affair is that usually Adam has trouble and pushes kids, and it's him that I get cross with. But yesterday he was good as gold, not once doing anything wrong.

I wish I could follow Adam's example, of doing his own thing despite what other people are saying or doing about him. I wish more that I could know he would be able to live his whole life in peace with other people protecting him. Maybe that's most of all what brought out the Rambo in me. And maybe I'll have to keep fighting a bit more, and of course loving, teaching, forgiving and encouraging others to be different. Hmm, now I know why Rambo had a machine gun.

And that's why we had ice cream in the freezing cold at Burger King afterward. And it tasted very good.

There's SNOW place like home!

Aberdeen and most of Scotland have been blanketed by an early winter snowfall over the last few days. This early frosty weather has caused travel and school transport chaos big time, but also has created opportunities for winter snow play to make the long weekend enjoyable (the kids are off school Monday and Tuesday for inservice days). We all pulled out our snow boots, woolly socks, long underwear, and waterproof gear and headed outside to play.

As you can see, Caleb also needed his Ben 10 goggles to keep the snow out of his eyes! Perfect for when a car drove past him and splashed dirty, salty water into his eyes, only he didn't have them on then! But now he won't take them off....

We had friends from Baytown visiting with us last week, Shawn and Sarah Aghajan, and they too got to experience first hand the trouble caused when a few inches of snow drop out of the sky. Caleb and I took them to see Dunottar castle about 13 miles south of Aberdeen, but the snow was so bad that getting there was dodgy, the path down to the castle not terribly safe, and the castle itself was closed! In the end we had a lovely lunch in Stonehaven and took pics from a safe distance...

Yes, Shawn messed that one up! (just kidding Shawn!) It was an amazing time for pictures, as the sun shining down magnified the snow clouds over the North Sea in the background.

Yesterday was Sunday, and after church we had soup and then went outside with the requisite gear to do some sledding (well, three of us anyway). I'll try to add a video below of Adam and Brian sailing down the hill in front of our flat, with Caleb giving them the turbo boost push-off. The best part of the afternoon was Adam learning to throw snowballs--he loved the whole idea, even getting them thrown at him! His chuckles made frozen fingers and ice up the nose worth it all! And let me tell you, with the arm he's got, he'll soon be a force to reckon with!

That's all for now. Enjoy whatever weather you have...we're going outside!

Worthwhile struggles

I know it's been a long time since I last wrote anything, and as soon as I have a minute to remedy that situation I will. But, in the meantime, on this cold Friday morning I will leave you with the link to an article I wrote for Biola magazine, the Fall issue of which has just come out.

I receive the quarterly Biola magazine all the way over here in Scotland, and enjoy looking through it as a link to my history and the chance to see what and how Christians around the world are getting involved with life. However, I had started to become disillusioned that there was so little mention of the issue of disability within the pages, and wrote to the editor to express my opinion. After all, disability is the main priority of our life, and I know we are not the only ones.

He wrote me back straight away and asked if I would be interested in writing about our story and what I am doing with my life now, so I did. To be honest, I never actually thought it would come out, mostly for lack of my experience as a writer! But now that it has I'm glad to have shared and grateful for the place that the Lord has given me to be planted and bloom.

Worthwhile struggles indeed, and I don't take credit for writing that title. Enjoy!

Holidays again

One begins to wonder when the Brits get any work done for all the holidays they have!! Here we are again, that time of year when the potatoes used to get picked by school children, so they would be given two weeks off in October for the "Tattie Holidays". Trouble is that now school children just hang around the house with nothing to do for two weeks in terrible weather, so the Tattie holidays only succeed in messing up our lives. Can you tell I am not fond of this time of year?

At any rate, the boys and I have plowed into our two week purgatory with high hopes, taking walks, eating hamburgers, and trying to get some things done now and again with our days "off". Adam is not in a happy-to-stay-at-home phase so we're forced out a lot, and the rain the last two days has not helped. But we are nearing the end of our first week and still smiling. A little.

Honestly, holidays are the most psychologically depressing time for me. They are the days and weeks when I really see and feel just how different Adam is from other children, and how much is not available to us that others have at their disposal. Quite honestly, I get very jealous. I see other friends who stay at home and watch movies with their children on rainy days, or bake cookies, or paint pictures, or read stories. I see Caleb who would love to do all that, and then I see Adam who would start throwing things out the utility room window (like my courgettes!) and break all the paintbrushes, etc. I see the gap that lies between the life I would like to lead and the life that is mine, and it's all I can do to pray that the Lord would grant me a little bit of hope, that He would grant Adam a little bit more development, that He would grant us all a little bit more patience and humour with each other.

It's not easy, and I often struggle to find the balance between leaving enough space for us to experience each other and planning so much that the house of cards crumbles. Today I lost the plot because I had forgotten one thing that led to the collapse of another thing. And stress, and rushing around. All totally not helpful to someone who is wanting to learn to just be. I do pray every night that I would be forgiven for my terrible behaviour of the day, and be loving and gentle toward my children the next day. But I pray that every night. So maybe either what I'm praying for is not quite right, or my standards are too high? I actually did think today, "you know what? Tomorrow I'm going to shout at the boys at least once, just like I do every day. So let's pray for something else tonight, ok?" Maybe that something else would be the ability to accept the gifts that are right in front of me, instead of wishing for those that I think would be better. I'll let you know how that one goes.

Guest post opportunity

My lovely friend Amy Julia Becker has graciously given me the opportunity to contribute to her blog, Thin Places. It was a chance to write about Adam, a chance I never turn down! The feature is called "Perfectly Human", and I highly recommend going back and reading previous posts if you have time, they are wonderful. It was truly a tough act to follow!

See it here. Hope you enjoy, and hope you forgive me for letting that suffice for today.